Chances
by 13storm13
Summary: Phil has a deep dark secret that he can't tell Dan. Dan would hate him. If only Phil could do something, but he can't. Phil's secret will stay a secret….for now…Little does Phil know, Dan has demons of his own. Neither will tell the other, but maybe that's the key. Just maybe they need each other…more than they will ever know. They are the key to each other's survival….*WARNING TRI
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: Chances

**Pairing**: DanisnotonFire/AmazingPhil

**Rated**: T for language and fluff and drug/cutting content

**Disclaimer**: I do not own YouTube, any you tubers associated with such, especially Dan or Phil (Sadness D:) lolol WARNING: TRIGGERS, Do not read if drug content, cutting or anything like that will trigger you or whatnot :P

**Summary**: Phil has a deep dark secret that he can't tell Dan. Dan would hate him. If only Phil could do something, but he can't. Phil's secret will stay a secret….for now…Little does Phil know, Dan has demons of his own. Neither will tell the other, but maybe that's the key. Just maybe they need each other…more than they will ever know. They are the key to each other's survival….*WARNING TRIGGERS*

* * *

*****Phil's POV*****

Phil wondered how this had become his life. How everything had spun so far out of his control. He wished his life was different, that it'd gone differently. He knew he needed help. But he was too scared to ask for it. He knew Dan would hate him, if he told him. So he couldn't. He didn't know what Dan would think. But he'd hate him and probably kick him out. I mean who'd wanna live with a…a…drugie?

* * *

*****Dan's POV*****

Dan was sitting in the bath, fully clothed, crying. His vision was blurry from the tears streaming down his face, as he looked down at the scarlet liquid that had over taken his arm. Phil had gone out to the shops or something, so here Dan was. Crying his eyes out like the bloody fucking mistake he was. He took the razor blade and raised it to his tan skin again as he drug it across the skin creating another line for the burgundy liquid to emerge from. He half-heartedly smiled sickly at his own arm as he started to chuckle, watching the blood pour out of him. "Look at you, looking as ugly as always. Maybe today will be the day you finally do everyone a favor and just die already. This is what he wanted. Turns out daddy was right." Dan laughed a bit more, as he counted all the new cuts he added to his old scars.

He was surprised no one had noticed, especially not Phil. But Phil didn't know, didn't care. He always seemed so weird and zoned out all the time, constantly in his room on his laptop. He didn't mind though, it was easier that way. He and Phil had separate lives, especially now since they let their YouTube channels go a bit and they had drifted away from YouTube. Yeah, they still did occasional videos but mostly not together and they were very infrequent. The fans eventually got over it, and the AmazingPhil and DanisnotonFire fandoms had died down. But that was okay with them, because Dan had become severely depressed and had taken up cutting.

Dan didn't know what was up with Phil, his flat mate; his best mate….How had they drifted apart so badly? How had things changed so much? What had happened between them? _Your depression came back, idiot. Plus you started getting feelings for him, which is the stupidest thing you've ever done. He'll never love you back. You don't deserve love anyways. But you couldn't stand to constantly be around Phil since you had such major feelings for him, so you let your friendship dissipate. _Dan shook his head, trying to make the voices go away. He wanted to fix him and Phil. He missed what they used to have. Even if he did want more, he would be okay just being friends again. He'd kill to be close like they used to be. Like in AmazingDan or Philisnotonfire…

* * *

*****Phil's POV*****

Phil had told he was going out to the shops to buy some groceries and such. And he was. But he also needed to get more drugs… Phil had become severely depressed back in his last year of Uni when his best friend tragically and abruptly died. Then one of his other friends told him that drugs were answer. They'd make him happy again and it'd all be okay if he did drugs. Phil didn't care at that point; he felt numb and would do anything to make the pain go away. So that night he injected heroin for the first time. And it felt amazing. He felt happy and felt like everything had been lifted off his shoulders, no pain. And he continued to do that. He had to constantly buy more, because he would use a lot a day. When he first met Dan, he used it less. He was actually happy, and maybe it would have been possible for him to stop. But that was then, and this was now. Now, he and Dan had drifted so far apart and that hurt Phil, yeah it hurt Phil to see Dan and hang with him all the time and not be able to kiss his beautiful pink lips or hold his tan body close, but not being close to Dan at all hurt Phil most of all. So now Phil used heroin more and more _and more. _He used to inject it into his left arm, but the veins had collapsed so now he had to use his right arm and sometimes he worried about serious injuries or medical problems down the road but he didn't care. If only Dan would care, then maybe he could fix himself, but Dan never would so he just had to man up and deal.

Phil was walking back with a few bags of food and generic stuff when he went into an alley by their flat, "Aye, got the stuff mate?" He said asking a shady looking guy hiding in the shadows. The man held up a medium size bag of white heroin as he held out his hand for payment. Phil gave him a ridiculous amount of money for the small bag he was getting but it didn't matter, because he *needed* this.  
He quickly stuffed the drugs in his pocket before rushing out and back to the flat, he needed to shoot up again. He quickly entered the lift and waited impatiently for it to reach his floor. He quietly entered the flat and set down all the bags before getting all his heroin ready, grabbing all the stuff from his room before rushing to the bathroom to sit on the floor to start the process. He made his way to the door and opened it seeing Dan sitting in the bath, his jumper sleeve rolled up as he cut repeatedly into his arms, blood dripping all over the tub and quickly pouring out of the smaller boy. At the sound of the door he quickly looked up to see Phil holding what looked like a needle, drugs, and a strip of rubber. They both stared at each other for a second before Dan opened his mouth, but Phil rushed out and locked himself in his room.

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So hey guys :) I just got this idea today from a few different stories I had read a while back (PM me for links if you'd like :P) and I decided to type this up. It's gonna be a short story, maybe around 5 chapters more or less depending on what I do with this. Please review this story and tell me what you think! It'd mean a lot! :D This chapter is a bit short but I thought it'd be good to end it here. The next chapter will hopefully be longer. Also check out my other Phan story, Dreamers. I love you guys, stay awesome 3

~Storm

(PS watch?v=jY44Sp4Q2FI Check out that video o.o lol)


	2. Chapter 2

**Title**: Chances Chapter 2

**Pairing**: DanisnotonFire/AmazingPhil

**Rated**: T for language and fluff and drug/cutting content

**Disclaimer**: I do not own YouTube, any you tubers associated with such, especially Dan or Phil (Sadness D:) lolol WARNING: TRIGGERS, Do not read if drug content, cutting or anything like that will trigger you

* * *

*****Phil's POV*****

Phil quickly rushed out of the bathroom into his room. Had that really just happened? Had he seriously just seen his best friend cutting himself? Phil didn't know what to do. He wanted to help Dan, it hurt to see Dan in such pain, to see Dan hurting himself. But Phil was doing the same thing, just with drugs. He decided to go try and at least talk to Dan. He put his drugs away and walked into the bathroom he saw Dan huddled in the bath crying, his arms wrapped around his legs. Phil was hurt seeing his best mate, and his love in pain like this. "D-Dan?" Phil whispered. Dan quickly jerked his head up wiping his tears, "Phil, go away." Dan's icy cold, dead gaze stared straight through him. "No, Dan I want to talk…" Dan glared at Phil, "I SAID GO AWAY. I DON'T WANT TO TALK. NOT NOW, NOT EVER. GODDAMN IT PHIL JUST LEAVE ME ALONE." Phil tried to hold his tears, but nodded and left the bathroom quietly.

Phil wanted to scream back at Dan, but he couldn't. He couldn't. He tried to help Dan and failed. He was beginning to feel a lot of overwhelming pain again so he decided he needed to get high, now. Phil quickly pulled his heroin out, tied his arm and injected himself. He soon began to feel the pain numb away and pleasure come back in its place. He liked it this way. It may not be real, and it may be temporary but it was better than always feeling pain.

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*****Dan's POV*****

Why. Why did he have to push people away? Phil wanted to help him. He reached out to him and he actually goddamn wanted to help him. Dan started to bawl even harder now. That was it. He couldn't live with himself anymore. His whole life he had done nothing but fail and screw up. He loved Phil, and even failed at that. He failed at letting people help him. He would never be able to change or fix himself. He might as well just die. No one would care or miss him. Not even his fans or any that were left. Especially not Phil. Not after tonight. Dan picked up his iPhone and put a song on repeat. As it started up he continued to cry and cut his arm up. Hopefully he would finally be able to die. He slit his wrists up and down as the blood poured out of his new wounds. He started to laugh sickly as he heard the chorus of the song start-up as he gave in to the darkness and surrendered to death.

_"Goodbye, my almost lover  
Goodbye, my hopeless dream  
I'm trying not to think about you  
can't you just let me be  
So long, my luckless romance  
my back is turned on you  
shoulda known you'd bring me heartache  
Almost lovers always do"_

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*****Phil's POV*****

Phil was finally coming down from his high a bit later, when he heard a song drifting in from the bathroom,

_"I cannot go to the ocean_  
_I cannot drive the streets at night_  
_I cannot wake up in the morning_  
_Without you on my mind_  
_So you're gone and I'm haunted_  
_And I'll bet you are just fine_  
_Did I make it that easy to walk_  
_Right in and out of my life"_

Phil quickly recognized the song, "Almost Lover". It was weird, he felt Dan was almost playing the song _to him… _But Dan didn't feel that way about him, that was a given. Phil needed to go check on Dan; the sad, depressing song scared him. A lot. He knew Dan had yelled at him, and he didn't want to see him, but he didn't care. He needed to make sure he was okay…

Phil quickly got up and put all his things away in his secret drawer and stumbled to the bathroom. He gently, cautiously knocked on the door, his voice no louder than a whisper "…Dan?" Phil's voice was faltering but he couldn't help it. Especially when there was no reply. Phil's hand was shaking a bit as he gently grasped the doorknob as if it were a lifeline. And for Dan it just might be…

Phil turned the knob and pushed the door open. He immediately threw his hands up in front of his shocked face, turning away. He couldn't look. Tears soon flooded his eyes, as he took in the scene before him. Dan was laying in the bath, looking pale as paper, and his normally tan skin vacant of all color. Both his arms were cut up, as his blood continued to drain from him. There was blood everywhere as it ran from the smaller boy's body. He had his iPhone next to the bath playing, "Almost Lover" on repeat and a note that simply read, "Philip, I love you. Goodbye. ~Daniel" Phil dropped to his knees, crying, as his heart broke in two. Dan _had _loved him all this time…

Phil grabbed his phone and a lot of towels and duct tape. It might be too late, but he had to try.

He wrapped the towels around Dan's arms and duct taped them trying to apply enough pressure to stop the bleeding, hopefully Dan wouldn't lose more blood than he already had. He stopped the music that had since changed from slow and beautiful to creepy and ghostly. He pulled Dan's body from the bath and laid Dan's head gently in his lap. He pulled out the phone and dialed 999. He told them his address and told them to send an ambulance. He hung up and held the pale boy close crying, as he hoped and wished and hell he even prayed he wasn't too late. This was his fault. Phil just hoped his high hadn't been too long. Or that Dan hadn't been like this for long.

He brushed some Hobbit hair off of Dan's forehead, "I love you, my beautiful Daniel." He pressed his lips to Dan's forehead as he heard sirens, "Dan…guess the crime..." he whispered chuckling darkly at their stupid childish game. He wanted to cry and scream and rage. He was so mad ay Dan for this but he couldn't hate him. He couldn't. He wanted to get high. He wanted the pain he was feeling to go away. But he couldn't. He had to stay strong, for the both of them. He couldn't lose someone else he cared about.

Suddenly he heard rapid knocks on the door and gently set Dan's head down on the floor and ran to open the door. He led the medics to the bathroom and they lifted Dan on to a stretcher. Phil grabbed his jacket and keys and followed them out of the flat. He forced the medics to let him in the ambulance and he held Dan's hand tightly as they took the towels off and started to do all kinds of things. They bandaged his arms up, hooked him up to machines and were giving him oxygen. "Is he gonna be okay?" Phil whispered clutching Dan's hand tightly. The medics all shared an uneasy glance at each other before one nurse finally spoke up, "The odds are against him, kid."

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Dun dun dunnnn. Oh noes! Dx poor Daniel! What will happen? Sorry guys for the late post. I've been drowning in school work. I would've posted this a few days ago but I've been wayyy busy. Sorry. But here's the new chapter. Hope you liked it. Don't forget to review! :D It'd mean a lot. And go check out my other story Dreamers if you haven't already. :P Also review what you think will happen, I'm going so many different directions with this at the moment so reviews will help! :) ~Storm


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